Andrew J. Offutt: The Conan Pastiche

Introduction: Around the age of 12, I read a steady diet of Conan pastiche. A Conan pastiche (to me the word "pastiche" sounds like a good cheese) is a story featuring the character Conan, but not written by Howard (although a pastiche is not a cheese, some Conan pastiche are indeed cheesy). It was not until the recent publication of Howard's works in their unadulterated entirety that I made the move from a "works of Howard fan" to a "Robert E. Howard fan". While I am now solidly in the camp of REH Fans, I am not a pastiche snob, meaning, I will give a pastiche a good shake without immediate dismissal. Some recent lucky finds at a yard sale have given me liberty to dive into the realm of Conan pastiche. Some works I am re-reading after 25 years, others I am reading for the first time.

The Skinny: Conan and the Sorcerer and Conan The Mercenary were written in 1978 and 1980 respectively. They were published by Ace Fantasy, written by Andrew J. Offutt and featured about 50 internal illustrations each by the artist Esteban Maroto.  They were written as "Mercenary" being a sequel of sorts to "Sorcerer"; however, Offutt recaps the events of "Sorcerer" in "Mercenary" well enough that either could be read independently of the other. A third book exists, The Sword of Skelos, that I have not read which makes a trilogy. Andrew J. Offutt has written much Howard pastiche for the character Cormac Mac Art and is also known for his stories adding to the "Thieves World" series, particularly for the creation of the character Shadowspawn. Offutt is also well known for editing the Swords Against Darkness volumes. Esteban Maroto is no stranger to Howard's creations either. He created the famous chain-mail bikini worn by the Howard inspired, but Roy Thomas created, character Red Sonja and was at the forefront of the "Spanish" invasion of comics during the 1970's. His early works were featured in the Warren Publishing titles Creepy, Eerie, and Vampirella.

The plot (SPOILERS ALERT): The two stories take place shortly after Howard's tale "The Tower of the Elephant", feature a very young Conan (his age is placed at 17 in the books) in search of wealth and adventure. The plot of "Sorcerer" has Conan trying to steal a relic called the Eye of Erlik from a sorcerer's tower. While doing so, he stumbles across two other thieves who beat him to the prize; however, it is Conan who is caught by the sorcerer, one Hisarr Zul. Zul is a sorcerer that steals men's souls and forces their soulless bodies into his servitude. Conan encounters some of Hisarr Zul's soulless guardians and is freaked out by them. As punishment for his attempted burglary, Hisarr Zul steals Conan's soul and traps it in a mirror. He then places Conan on a quest to steal back the Eye of Erlik from the thief that made off with it (a lovely she-thief named Isparana). In "Mercenary", after recovering the Eye of Erlik and slaying Hisarr Zul (events which occurred in "Sorcerer"), Conan has recovered the mirror that holds his soul, but is still separated from his soul within. He sells his services to a young, lovely lady noble named Khastris. Conan journeys with her to her homeland in hopes that her cousin, the Queen of Khauran, can join him with his soul (he learned from a sand lich in "Sorcerer" that one way of retrieving his soul is to have the mirror shattered by one wearing a crown). In Khauran, he gets embroiled in a sorcerous plot to take over the kingdom.

The Good: Offutt does not attempt to imitate Howard; instead, he writes in his own voice. This is something I prefer in pastiche versus someone trying to sound like Howard. While Offutt is not, in my opinion, the strongest of writers, he is accomplished enough to push a "Howardesque" yarn along. Complementing Offutt's writing are a healthy dose of illustrations by Esteban Maroto. See examples (with my apologies for my slip-shod photography):

Conan battling the Sand-Lich (Conan and the Sorcerer)

Illustration of Isparana of Zamboula (Conan And the Sorcerer)

Conan rescuing Lady Khashtris from night assassins (Conan the Mercenary) 

Conan brooding over his murdered lover (Conan the Mercenary)

The Good (continued): The highlight of both short novels for me was Conan's encounter with the Sand-Lich. An indestructible creature clearly out of his league, Offutt doesn't miss a chance to highlight Howard's character and his defiance of death and giving up. All in all, Offutt writes a fast paced yarn, full of well written fight scenes. His portrayal of Hyborea is well done, written with simple, yet effect prose.

The Bad: While I found "Sorcerer" an enjoyable, if forgettable read, "Mercenary" held far less appeal for me. There were three main reasons for this. 1. "Mercenary" lacks a memorable villain. There is a sorcerer introduced in the prologue of the story, but he never makes another appearance. In the prologue, the sorcerer uses his dark arts to make an aging baron appear years younger. The baron hopes to use his young appearing form to strengthen his place in a circle of nobles that have denied him respect and power. It is never explained what this mysterious sorcerer is gaining from this. 2. An interesting back story is set up with the Queen of Khauran, each generation will see the birth of a witch that must be killed. Because of this curse the Queen kills her own child. This has much potential, but is not exploited in the story and rests as back ground noise. 3. Offutt has Conan playing detective in this story, and in the climax, Conan disguises himself as a seer in order to ensnare plotters against the throne in a trap. This rung untrue for me. While I recognize that Conan, as told by Howard, was more intelligent then most give him credit for, it just didn't seem very "Conan-like" to me.

The Ugly: The biggest crime committed in the two short novels occurs in "Mercenary". Offutt commits the crime of "telling versus showing". In about three short paragraphs, he narrates a tale of how Conan is kicked out of the courts of Khauran, falls in love and later in that chapter, broods over the murdered corpse of his young lover vowing that from here on out he will not fall in love. It was way too much story crowded into a short narrative chapter.

Odd Observations: The sand creatures that Conan battled in the 2011 movie Conan the Barbarian share a similarity to Offutt's Sand-Lich in "Sorcerer"; I wonder if there was an inspiration here? The 1997 - 1998 TV series Conan the Adventurer, features as a main villain a sorcerer named Hissah Zuhl (played by Jeremy Kemp). The names Hissah Zuhl and Hisarr Zul strike a certain similarity that again makes me wonder, was Offutt's idea aped for the series?

Conclusion: While I wouldn't recommend these stories as a nice jumping on point for potential Howard enthusiasts, I would recommend them at least as decently written pastiche without glaring non-Howardian faults. The illustrations by Esteban Maroto help elevate them on the list for Conan pastiche collectors, if not as must-haves, then certainly as entertaining curiosities.  

Random Encounter 3: The Secret of Kopao Cave

This is a location based encounter. It is inspired by the article "Last of the Cave People" by Mark Jenkins in the February 2012 issue of National Geographic. In the article, Jenkins and photographer Amy Toensing follow the Meakambut , the last of the nomadic cave dwellers still residing in Papua New Guinea. It is an interesting article and I encourage you to seek it out; however, as a disclaimer in this encounter I portray the nomadic cave dwellers as antagonists. This is fantasy and in no way am I proposing that the Meakambut are a savage people. In the article, Jenkins does make mention that the Meakambut do believe, and are terrified of, sorcery. At one point, he fears for his safety as a member of the Meakambut led him to a cave sacred to them called Kopao and told him the secret of the cave. That night John, the member of the Meakambut tribe that led Jenkins to Kopao and told him the secret of the cave, had terrible dreams. In his dreams, his ancestors were angry at him for telling the Meakambut's secrets to a white man. That morning, a member of the tribe fell terribly ill with pneumonia. Jenkins feared that if the ill member were to die, he would be blamed. That story is the kernel for this random encounter.

This encounter takes place in a jungle environment. It can be run as an outdoor adventure, perhaps a hex or two, or several must be explored as the exact location of Kopao Cave is not known. Random encounters with jungle beasts are possible. I myself am always fond of Robert E. Howard inspired giant snakes, not to mention savage apes. Of course the less mundane critters from your favorite monster manual could always be added. The tribes that live in the area do not welcome outsiders. The subsist from hunting and gathering. The intrusion of outsiders can disrupt their hunting and gathering by either killing game or scaring it away. In either case, they are very protective and will deal with all outsiders. They prefer not to attack openly; instead, they will rely upon their superior knowledge of the area and set traps for the party, or attempt to lead them into dangerous areas. If they must attack, they prefer to do so from high up in the jungle foliage. They are experts at camouflage, and their weapons of choice are poisoned tipped javelins and darts. If forced into a face to face melee, they wear little armor, but do make use of small wooden shields and long curved knives of bone (which also may be poisoned).

The characters have heard stories whispered that amongst the nomadic jungle tribes, there is a sacred cave with a secret. If time and resources are spent discovering what this secret is, they will find vague creation myths. Basically, the tribes of the area believe that they were "birthed" from Kopao cave and that it is a conduit which leads directly to their gods. They do not frequently visit the cave, but do take the skulls of honored members of their tribes there to be put to rest. This is an honor. Rumor is, that these honored members (chiefs and great warriors and hunters) are put to rest with valuable treasures. What these treasures might be is up to the DM, but rumors of gold and relics should be discovered to entice the players to find Kopao cave.

Kopao cave should not be easy to find. Much exploring must be done. Even when the location is discovered, the party must make a dangerous climb up a vertical face that even thieves will have a hard time with without the proper equipment. Of course the tribes of the area set traps for the unwary as safe guards.

Entering Kopao cave, the players hunch under a low overhang that only halflings will not find uncomfortable to enter. Within, they are greeted by a gantlet of skulls, most of which are green with age, but others appear more recent. Past the skulls are numerous hand prints stenciled in blood. The hand prints are the first indication of the true secret of Kopao cave. Once a year, the tribes select one of their best hunters as a sacrifice. He is brought to the cave. As an honor, he is cut, then dipping his hand into a saucer of his own blood, he makes his mark amongst those of the past sacrifices. This honor completed, the ritual begins and he is sacrificed to appease the dwellers of the cave. There are indeed treasures left beyond the hand prints, these too are left to appease the dweller of the cave. Here the players will find large feathers, the hollow avian bones of which are full of fine gold dust and capped with a gum made from the sap of trees. There are also garments spun from fine fabrics and favored weapons, some of which are magical. These are there for the taking, if the players can deal with the dweller first.

What is the dweller? Think Lovecraftian. Kopao cave is portal that leads to another dimension. Luckily, it is weak and the dweller can only enter from its dimension no farther then the cave. There is a large crack in the ceiling. It is about twenty feet long, and three hand spans wide. From this crack, an odor is noted. An odor reminiscent of rotten fish, but not overpowering. It is as if dead fish were stuffed into the crack, left for a few weeks, then removed a week ago. Magic-users and elves get an uneasy feeling in close proximity to the crack. Their stomachs feel queasy and they find the hairs on the nape of their necks stand up, they may also get goose bumps. The closer one gets to the crack, the cooler the air temperature becomes. Standing right beneath it, the air is so cool, one shivers. A darkness in noticed within the crack. Torches and lanterns will not illuminate it, a light spell does not even penetrate it. Voices are heard from the within the crack. Whispers in a language that none can fathom. The hushed whisper increases into a present drone. Finally, a tentacle slithers from the crack, followed by another. That is when the darkness radiates from the crack acting as a Darkness spell.

Now is when the characters, if they are smart, run. I use insanity rules in my games, and would require sanity checks. If they stick around to fight it out, they most likely will perish. They should be able to grab some treasure and run before all hell breaks loose.

Adventure Idea -- The Hunger Games

My daughter has been begging my wife and I to read Suzanne Collins' The Hunger Games for a long time now. She was excited about the movie coming out and was disappointed that I wouldn't be in town to see it with her opening weekend. To make up for my absence, I borrowed her copy of the book for my business trip and promised to read it.

I finished tonight and found it an enjoyable read; however, this isn't a review. From the get go, I was reminded of a Dungeons & Dragons session I ran when I was in the seventh or eighth grade that had a strikingly similar set up.

I was twelve when I first started out as a dungeon master, and I quickly earned a reputation for killing characters. It was a badge of honor for me at the time. I strove to come up with novel ways of pitting my players characters against great odds. I didn't kill them all, but most. To this day, I've never actually killed a player, just their characters.

In the session I ran, I had my five players start out as convicted prisoners that were sentenced to death. Their captors gave them one chance at life. They were set loose in the dungeon via magic portals. The dungeon belonged to a powerful wizard. They were told that only one of them was allowed to make it out alive, but that person would not only earn his freedom, he would also be allowed to keep whatever he recovered in the dungeon. Of course the dungeon was stocked full of nasty monsters and even nastier traps. I had decided that whichever character made it to the end of the dungeon would be faced by the wizard and a small army of minions. The wizard would demand whatever valuables the character had recovered. If he cooperated, he would be allowed to live and leave naked. Yeah, I was not a nice DM, and I'm not sure why anyone ever wanted to play with me, young bastard that I was.

The five of them were not alone. I set loose ten NPC's with them, each of which had the same deal as they. All of the fifteen were set loose at different points in the dungeon. As I remember it, one of them was quickly attacked by a group of three NPC's that had decided to join forces. Witnessing this, the remaining four decided to gang together and started NPC hunting. This lasted for a bit, until one of them, a thief, back stabbed a fellow player character.

At that point, all hell broke loose. In the end, none of them survived as I cheated. One of the NPCs was actually a devil polymorphed into the form of a human. When he was encountered, well, it didn't end well for the remaining two players that met up with him.

In retrospect, it was a juvenile concept, but sometimes juvenile is good, dirty fun.

A Game of Thrones, Yearning for Birthright

About a week ago, my wife and I power watched season one of A Game of Thrones on Blue Ray. My animosity towards George R.R. Martin aside, I enjoyed the season and found it refreshingly tighter then the books.

However, this is not a review. AGoT has been reviewed to death. Watching the series made me yearn to once again play Birthright.

For those not familiar, Birthright was a setting published by TSR in 1995. In the setting, characters were rulers of domains (this was possible even at 1st level!). There was much political backstabbing (at least in my campaigns) and of course war always loomed.

I really got into Birthright at the time. It is the only setting published by TSR that I ever used in my campaigns and I used it for several years. One of the attractions for me was that the characters each had a bloodline that was derived from a dead god. There was a war of the gods many years ago in which all the old gods perished and new gods rose in their place. However, not all of the old gods power was transferred to the new. A fraction of it (a lot in godhood terms) was transferred to their followers. Some followers had only trace bloodlines, while others had great bloodlines. It was possible to increase ones bloodline by killing another blooded character, giving the game a very Highlander appeal.

The game was originally designed for 2nd edition AD&D, and this was the system I usually ran it with; however, I once played a GURPS (3rd ed.) version of the game, and a dedicated online fan base put out a 3rd edition D&D version that I used for a year or so as well.

I have, to the best of my knowledge, every expansion ever published for the setting. I haven't had an urge to play it in years. For the past ten years, my game of choice has been Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay, and when I do play D&D, it is an old-school version. I've played with both the BECMI Cyclopedia rules and Basic Fantasy Roleplaying Game.

But damn! Watching Game sure makes me want to pull the Birthright material out of storage and maybe convert it to Basic Fantasy Roleplay, or for kicks, use it with 2nd ed. AD&D (although my 2nd edition games were mostly 1st edition games with a few good ideas from 2nd ed. thrown in for flavor).

Dungeons & Dragons, Edition Too Much

I haven't read much about the looming newest edition of Dungeons & Dragons. I stuck with the game up through 3rd, but decided to get off the bus with the announcement of 3.5. My reason? Too many editions.

Consider, the game was created in 1974. That game, now commonly referred to as Original Dungeons & Dragons (OD&D), did go under revision with the publication of the J. Eric Holmes edition in 1977. That same edition did get minor revisions (but not new editions) with the subsequent Tom Moldvay 1981 edition and the Frank Mentzer 1983 edition.

The largest edition change came with the publication of Advanced Dungeons & Dragons, with the publication of the Player's Handbook, Dungeon Masters Guide and the Monster Manual between the years of 1977 and 1979.

So as can be seen, there was change early in the hobby. Within five years of original conception, the game underwent three revisions and one edition change.

However, the next edition change was not seen until 1989, with the publication of Advanced Dungeons & Dragons second edition. AD&D1, was given 10 years shelf life before being canned. AD&D2 reigned for eleven years before D&D3 was published in 2000.

But since then, new editions crop up too often. 3rd edition was quickly canned and replaced with 3.5 in 2003. That was my warning sign that it was time to get off the bus.

And I am glad I did. Five years after asking its players to ditch the rule books they had bought only a three short years earlier, Wizards of the Coast published 4th edition in 2008. Now in 2012, they are play testing their latest edition (which their marketing guys are smartly calling D&D Next).

A new edition every approximate five years? No thank you sir. That is Edition Too Much. I will stay off the bus.